Knowing Better

Have you ever liked or done something that you know you shouldn't?  When you were told not to touch the hot stove, didn't that make you want to touch it even more?  One of my professors in college told me to never open a story with a question, yet here I am doing just that.  Why?  Because it's too tempting not to.

The Royal Enfield Bullet falls into the above category perfectly.

Everything I've read about the Bullet says it's a quality control nightmare.  It's a good thing the Bullet is good-looking because it will spend a lot of its time stationary.  Every time I see one, though, I can't help but be drawn in by its looks.  I know there are issues and I know owning one will be a headache but I keep looking.

The Bullet is motorcycling's version of the coelecanth.  It's a living fossil based off a machine that first hit the pavement in 1948.  From that time until a few years ago, very little about the Bullet changed.  It still had drum brakes front and rear, a kick starter, four speeds, and 1940s English build quality.  The big pushrod 500cc single belted out just 22 bhp.

Recently, sweeping changes were made to the Bullet.  The drivetrain was unitized, EFI was added and so was a front disc brake.  And that was about it.  On the plus side, power for the 500 went up to 27.5 bhp. 

While unit construction and disc brakes are hardly revolutionary in the 21st century, adding them to the Bullet was like adding nuclear power to the USS Monitor or like adding electricity to a 16th century house.  The gorgeous, timeless outside remained but with "modern" touches hidden underneath. 

And gorgeous the Bullet is.  By not changing much over the last 65 years, the simple and elegant styling has remained.  Even the pinstripes are still applied by hand.  While modern motorcycles are shaped by science, the Bullet was shaped by the human soul.  Everything about the Bullet just looks right.  It's one of those shapes that screams "motorcycle," not "sci-fi horror show" like many modern motorcycles.  Even the little tool box on the right side looks good.

Hidden under the beauty of the Bullet is the ugliness.  That ugliness is quality.  Scour the Internet or talk to owners and the stories are eye-opening.  Until the recent upgrades, the Bullet really was an old bike with turn signals, so it had all the old bike foibles.  Included among the foibles was the fact that it was achingly slow.  Flat out, the Bullet would struggle to hit 80 mph.  The infusion of power raised top speed only marginally.  And the quality of the metal wasn't and still isn't great, either, with rusting after one season common.

But then you look at one and the foibles you know are there move to the background.  When mom was telling you not to touch the stove, you weren't really listening, were you?

The Bullet is one of those machine you have to get to really understand.  But once you get it, you get it and it makes complete sense.  The Bullet will never compete with a Honda CBR1000RR but then it's not supposed to.  It's meant to be retro and unlike the Hinckley Bonneville or the Moto Guzzi V7, it's actually retro.  It's not a modern bike styled to look like an old bike.  It's an actual old bike.

I like the Bullet because it's a total museum piece that somehow continues to be sold.  It's contemporaries have all gone the way of the dodo but the Bullet remains.  That's staying power, especially when today's superbike is tomorrow creaking old door.

So when the apocalypse comes and civilization as we know it is obliterated, you can take solace in the fact that three things will remain: cockroaches, Cher and the Royal Enfield Bullet.